Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Prepping for Thanksgiving

Busting at the seams with gratitude.

That's how I want to feel tomorrow.

Tomorrow holds yet another biological visit with PandaJoy's birth mother.

For reasons yet unseen, maybe never seen, we continue this charade.

My daughter doesn't understand why she has to be left in the muraled room with cast off toys for an eternity to play with another grown-up who calls her "mommy".

Maybe that's just my own interpretation of the visit, but I do know that confusion will assuredly set in tomorrow as we pack up to head down the crowed highway an hour and a half one way to walk into the very bleak, very beige, very long hallway to fulfill the state required biological visit in the tiny room for an hour.  Minus me.

This whole reality of ours does nothing of benefit for my daughter. It only sets to delay her healing.

It challenges my own motherhood.

However, today I bought a book.  One that is seemingly popular right now and has made it's presence known to me through several veins this week alone.  I thought it worthy of purchasing.  Clearly, it was a perfect buy.

I'll share it with you when I'm done.

I am so thankful for this gut-wrenching process we are living out with our PandaJoy.  She is truly worth the pain, struggle, confusion and unending wait.  Being thankful for all of those things will make the completion that much sweeter.

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