Thursday, April 19, 2012

The Difference a Pill Can Make

Last Saturday evening I was a bit anxious about starting my new medication. I am not a medicine taker. I don't like them and would rather avoid them all together.

I cried.

I was worried about certain side effects like seizures. (((.....Shudder......)))

I didn't want my life to keep on the way it had been going with the jumbled thoughts and constant chaos in my mind so I knew I had to get over the fear of what taking this med might do.

Through my counseling I was able to see that I fit many, let's say MOST of the characteristics of someone with Adult ADD.....attention deficit disorder. I have joked about it for years, but have never really thought about going to the doctor for it. That always seemed.....out there. Someday.

Well, one of my texting buddies was just given the news that she was going to benefit from a medication for ADD so it made me think that if SHE, who has an immaculate house, is skinny, focused and seemingly put together has ADD then I would be out of this stratosphere with it!

On to my own doctor now. He did a third survey of questions with me and decided that we would treat ADD for a month and then move on from there to see what the best process would be for me.

After crying on Saturday night, then taking the meds on Sunday morning.......


Why in the WORLD was I so scared??!!  I personally think the enemy has fought me for a very long time to keep me from who I was created to be and this was just another attempt to delay me. Blah!

I have kept tabs on each day of how I physically feel, mentally feel and emotionally feel. The drug is not a mood enhancer, but by me being able to focus and DO THE WORK I need to do then I am a less frustrated person, no jumbled thoughts, no frantic crazed parenting and I see the results of my actions. I feel accomplished!!!  There is NO PHYSICAL or EMOTIONAL feeling that I feel.  My mind is just clearer. No fog and jumbles. PandaPop put it beautifully though it sounds so cliche: it's like a veil has been lifted that I've been desperately trying to see and live through all these years.  The past two years with the massive amount of stress I have experienced from several areas piling up with no end in sight has contributed to me getting completely out-of-whack where I was unable to pull myself up or out or in or whatever back into real life.

 I was falling apart!!


Now, logically thinking about all of this I can now see more clearly, think better, accomplish more through the day (no bursts of energy, though), be a better parent to my girls which in turn makes for better girls, the adoption is finally coming to a completion, I have made and stood by some very hard boundaries to keep me safe, the list goes on as to circumstances getting better, BUT with the meds getting me focused than all that seems easier, too. It's a positive catch 22.

When it comes to tasks and chores I don't have an overwhelming sense of dread to do them which has normally made me just procrastinate making everything pile up.  My house is usually nice and tidy to the eye when anyone walks in the door, but it's all the little stuff and drawers and my business stuff and stuff, stuff, stuff.  The med doesn't magically motivate me to get work done, but there is no sense of dread. I just do the job and move on.  Then I feel successful and ready to do the next thing.

Oh.....this is how normal people work. Whatever normal is.

This might sound so crazy, but I have a very new sense of feeling grown up.  Anyone who knows me in real life and especially in recent years knows that my social butterfly self is ALL OVER THE PLACE when talking with people. Tigger has nothing on me though I am not hyper.  Just jumbled.

Not anymore!!!

I have no idea how long I will or can benefit from this med, but for just five days....I love it.  I have prayed every time I swallowed a pill that God would be the Healer and use the drug to make me better.  So far so good.  I just don't want any seizures.

A little extra fun: PP so badly wants one of the side effects to be involuntary nudism.  Of course he would.


  1. I'm so happy for you. You deserve this. Congratulations on taking care of yourself. Panda pop cracks me up.

  2. Well, that last line made me crack up! :-)

    I'm so happy for you. I have known so many people who struggled for years--with depression, anxiety, ADHD, ADD, etc--and were so scared to take medication. They put it off for fear of side effects, fear of being under the influence, fear of the unknown...
    But once they started taking an appropriate medication every single one said, "I can't believe I waited so long."

    These medications exist for a reason. Yes, they are over-prescribed, especially to children, but in some instances, like yours, they simply give people an opportunity to feel "normal." (Really, what IS normal?)

    Anyway, so happy for you. I look forward to hearing more about this journey you are embarking on. I imagine your life is really going to open up to all sorts of new possibilities...

  3. "Involuntary nudism?" Oh my word... girl... I'm dying. (Men are all alike aren't they? LOL)

  4. I love your honesty. There is nothing wrong with needing to take medicine. I had to breakdown and do the same a couple of weeks ago. It is a process, but something I do not regret. You have to take care of yourself, and you deserve to take care of yourself. Love you!

  5. I have ADDOS, myself. Attention Deficit Dis...OOOH, Sparkles!

  6. OMG tell me what this pill is so I can go request it! That is if your still taking it after all this time=)

  7. Thank you so much for writing this. I have a dear friend that I believe knows you IRL who sent this to me. I am this girl - except I also have the hyperactivity. Now with meds I don't have those hyperactive outbursts and do feel like I catching so much more clearly. We are atill I the tweaking stage and I will probably have to up or add a different med soon, but things are so much better!!