Friday, August 9, 2013
A Picture is Worth a Thousand Tears
Where in the world do I begin typing words to relay the depth of what's happened to me, around me, because of me and within me?
It almost seems impossible.
Overwhelming amounts of posts are bubbling around in my brain just percolating beneath a thin surface of what little decorum I have left. I have always been so careful as to what I write in my blog posts because my husband's career as a minister in a Southern Baptist church hovers over my hands and keyboard reminding me that one faulty, misunderstood or non-appreciated sentence could greatly change the course of our life. I've been blogging since about 2005, I think (not enough time to even look that up at the moment) and have found satisfaction in doing so. It's been fun and therapeutic.
Taking a year break from here was completely unintentional. No plan was made that I would stop writing or posting photos. One day led to the next with no motivation to post. An attempt was made at the beginning of the year to update the header, but still my fingers were not able to type.
Oh my mind was full of the words that were screaming in my ears.
The barriers within held them at bay.
Even now as I type and I have so much to say I am wondering just how much will actually be put in digitized print. Only a tiny handful of people know bits and pieces of the off-course jagged journey I have traveled over the last twelve months. As with any person's story, only THAT person knows the entire walk. Some things never to be shared. Exposed. Known.
It's our very own personal stories that make up who we are.
I've said before how I would love to have the unlimited and uninterrupted time to sit with each of you.....and hear your story. What makes you, you? Why do you act the way you do? Why do you REact the way you do? How have you come so far from such a terrible beginning? How have you messed up in life when everything started out so easy for you? Do you love God? Do you hate God? Do you know who you are? Are you holding something inside of you that would curl the toes of even your dearest friends if they ever found out about whatever that thing is? Do you love your life or secretly hate it? Are you willing to admit that life sucks, then you die? Are you filled with unexplainable joy and want to share it with everyone with whom you come in contact? What secrets do you have buried way.down.deep.? What gets in your gut and makes you want to throw up at the mere thought of it? What is it that truly makes you feel peaceful? What makes you smile.....and mean it?
My gosh, I'd love to sit down with you and ask these questions over a cup of whatever tickles my fancy at the moment and buy yours for you just to get a kick out of watching you giggle and roll your eyes that I insist on buying it.
I am looking forward to getting back to my love of blogging. I have missed it, but the break has been very nice. Between Pinterest, Facebook, Instagram, Blogs, emails, daily texting, working out, listening to music, photography, raising two girls, being a wife, taking care of two pets, friends, life happenings, blah, blah, blah.......I have a lot to say and little time to do it. Please, please come back for more. I am so excited to get rolling again. Have dialogue as much as the web will allow. Speak about things near and dear to me. Connect with people.
I have made several great cyber friends over the years and it all started with this blog. My very first cyber "friend" was Jennifer Olsen from New York. I thought I was so worldly and techy because I was on the web and talked to someone so far from Texas. Now because of the interwebs.....I have made "friends" with MANY people whom I would never have known existed without first getting started through this little blog.
I have zero desire to be a DIY blogger or one who needs or wants any sponsors or advertising or anything fancy. I just want to share my photos, my life's ups & downs and my two cents in this great big world.
The photo collage above really is worth 1000 tears. Or many more. I've lost countless tears in the past year. Though extremely painful, I am at a place to say that I am thankful for every single one of them. It is who I am now that matters. God is personal. His attention to detail is uncanny.
What keeps Him around me is an enigma.
I don't get it. I don't get how He WANTS to see me at my best even when I ignore Him.
Or point my finger right at Him as I say, "YOU allowed this. YOU tricked me. YOU betrayed me." Then He still wants me. For His own. Literally blows my mind.
I have a lot to say.
It's great to be back!!!