Thursday, October 21, 2010

A Bunch of F Words


Since rolling over the 40 hump this past September 4th, on any given day, at least one if not more of those F words can describe me. Well, can't really say that I'm "fit".

Turning 40 has really hit me square in the face like no other birthday has. I have always enjoyed my birthdays and have looked forward to the next with no fear. I'm not making this up, but there is truly something different, at least for this chick, about moving into this new decade. I have had many more wonky days than "normal" ones. It's like I am no longer young. Simply not there anymore.

I'm not depressed about it, but rather just wondering what the heck has happened to me. Like, why on earth do 40 year old women, including yours truly, have the hangy-down cheek thing around their nose and mouth? Why has my mouth turned south? My lipstick now feathers and bleeds. Really? I can see why people get facelifts.

I have needed to lose weight most of my life. A year or so ago I did lose 30 lbs and was on the way to going down another 30, but somehow lost sight of my goal and have put all but five of it back on only this time I feel like a stuffed sausage in the same jeans that I had before I ever lost the weight. I am fatigued all. the. time. I keep blaming it on eating too many carbs or too much sugar yet I keep on eating too many carbs and too much sugar as if none of it "counts".....until I put on the Jimmy Dean Jeans. Once I pull up the zipper, walk to the computer and sit down in the chair I realize, "Dang! I have to stop eating all those carbs and so much sugar!" Then lunch comes around and I forget about it all again.

Round & round the cycle goes. (Anyone my age remember Ratt singing that? It always gets stuck in my head when I hear or say round & round).

I started taking Zumba last week at our local community activity center. LOVE IT!!!! However, my knees have never been the strongest part of my physical self and both of my parents have had DOUBLE knee replacements. Doesn't look so good for my future knee health, does it? I made a specific trip to the mall to purchase Nike Musique shoes that are made for pivoting so I don't blow out my knees while just getting started with the whole Zumba craze. I adore the music and the fun dance moves, but this lard butt is acting like she's 20 instead of 40. My heart is there, but my knees aren't following.

Neither is my buttocks.

I gained three pounds since starting Zumba last week. Isn't that great?!! I have sweated my self to death and was able to pack on three pounds. Way to go, Me!

Maybe it's because I have thought about changing my eating habits, but not actually done it so all the work I've done over the past four weeks (I've been walking the deaf doggie every morning for four weeks) has been great for my heart, but has done jack-diddle for my physique. Well, now I can't say a total waste. I can see that my shape is changing after five Zumba classes, but Jimmy Dean is still my fashion sponsor.

I Goo*gled these words exactly: Fat & Forty

Believe it or not, tons of sites popped up. I hopped through a few and found that I am absolutely NOT CRAZY!!! Yay Me!

There is quite an abundance of information that says exactly what I have felt over the past couple of months. It has been like a little switch was flipped and I have turned into another being once the 40 hit and have thought it was just in my mind.

Bottom line is that I HAVE to eat better and less. I HAVE to lift weights or do some kind of strength training, not just cardio. I HAVE to be proactive. No more just wasting away life.

I am actually looking forward to getting fit and accepting that I really am entering mid-life. I have an AMAZING best friend in PandaPop to go alongside me and a beautiful daughter to watch blossom. We will be finding out in the next few weeks whether or not PandaJoy will be joining our family. This road has been extremely difficult, but hope that we have been found faithful when all is said and done no matter the outcome.

Thank you for your prayers concerning her well-being. I haven't written very much on this blog for the past several months. Mostly pictures. I haven't had much to say. I think PP and I have been on hold in some ways until we know about PandaJoy's case. Don't get me wrong. We have been living and enjoying the life we have, but we have both noticed a vacuum in part of us while patiently waiting for the state to make some kind of logical decision.

We have been THROUGH THE WRINGER with adoption over the past six years. Emotionally exhausted doesn't even begin to describe how we feel about it. It seems that adoption is a buzz word now and many people are doing it to help out a child. I guess we are just depraved because our main goal hasn't been to help a child, but rather to add to our family. We had many people tell us how brave and noble we were for adopting from China. We were no such thing. We were and still are just a couple longing for a child. No nobility there, friends.

I know that I said in the last post with the final pics of PG's party that I would for sure write about the Revelation study and I will, but just not today. Maybe not even next week. I am excited to have the entire week filled with photo shoots next week, then it's Trunk or Treat time at church, then it's November. We have been waiting and waiting and waiting for November. Hopefully, I'll be able to write something on here about PJ that involves goodness and not more questions.

If you are pushing 40 within a year or so or have surpassed that mark, please share with me something that has changed about you since entering mid-life. I'd love to know I'm not alone. ; )

Thanks for hanging with me. And my droopy cheeks.


  1. I always appreciate your raw honesty. I keep hoping that your adoption journey will finally yield the positive news that your family deserves. The picture of you and Panda girl is adorable. By the way, I hate seeing my own picture on my blog (which is why you don't see me much). Those wrinkles around my eyes just seem so much more defined. How the heck did that happen? By the way, I'm 42 and I've been in denial about being in my 40s the last 2 years. Both girls love to remind me about my age. I'm glad you have photo shoots to look forward to . Do you have a special trip planned in November too? wink wink.

    Extra hugs. I'm only an email away too.

  2. You forgot funky, flamboyant, flirty, fierce, fiery, fair, and found. At least you are blond.

    Round and round
    With love we'll find a way just give it time
    Round and round
    What comes around goes around
    I'll tell you why


    Enough embarrassment for me this evening.
    This waddle-necked woman loves you floppy checks and all. When I win the lottery, we can both get full body Thermage. Sadly, you have to play to win.

  3. Wow, what can I say that those two haven't already covered?...except that I would definitely add FIESTY...maybe I missed it in the original list. I had a massage the other day and the lady rubbed all of me, well, most of me anyway. When she rubbed my backside and then moved on but my buttocks kept moving...I just sighed. I'm in the same boat with you. I've been doing some strength training at home...and my guess as to your weight gain during ZUMBA is muscle tone. Keep going! Your changes are coming.

  4. That's a really good, insightful post. I think it's good to look inward and assess what we have and where we think we should be overall. I have a fifty and fabulous coming up next spring and I really do honestly feel that way about it. I think when you've done the best you can with what you have and you embrace the most important gifts in life you can sit back and enjoy the aging process. My first daughter will graduate college in December, then my son graduates college on my 50th birthday (yay), my second son will graduate high school that same month, my precious little daughter from China will receive her first Holy Communion during the same time frame and I am awed and amazed at the way these people are growing up and how our family is changing and that hubby and I are now watching our beautiful children become their own adults. I would encourage you (but only since it bothers you) to find a way to slowly and surely take off some of those pounds so you can feel better about your outward appearance. I'm a huge believer in Weight Watcher's, it's just what works for me and I know I feel so much better about myself when I keep my weight under control. You are a particularly beautiful woman and you have the best hair in the world! You also love, appreciate and enjoy your husband, your daughter, your faith and your home. I think you have it pretty well figured out. And I do hope and pray that God sees a way to bring you the desire of your heart in the form of Miss PJ. God bless you and all your 40 years! (didn't really mean to hijack the comments....recovering from knee surgery and that Percocet makes me kinda wordy).

  5. Great post! Life is different after 40, it has amazed me... my biggest complaint now at 45 is the eye issue! I remember thinking my mother was crazy when she would ask me to read something and now i'm getting my punishment for that!!!

  6. My addition to the list of F words is FREE. Being over forty and the journey here is teaching me to be FREE! Free from striving to be and look like something I'm not, Free to have good days and bad, Free to be myself, Free to mourn or laugh (snort), Free of other's expectations, Free to live in the small moments, Free to be still... I could go on, but hey, we're growing older by the minute. LOL. ;)