Friday, December 10, 2010

Joy of the Christmas Child

That's what those words mean.

Joy of the Christmas Child.

Noel is PandaGirl's middle name and from the moment I laid eyes on PandaJOY I thought it was perfect to give her the middle name of Joy should we get to adopt her.

It is so easy to find and buy anything at this time of year that has "joy" and "noel" for Christmas decorations.

Not so easy is getting unofficial word yesterday that we won't get to have PandaJOY for Christmas. Nope. Mediation is scheduled for mid-to-late January. Can you say tears? I cried so hard yesterday for an hour which caused me to get my insides all twisted up into cramps. That's never happened. I have cried harder, but never had a physical reaction to it.

PandaPop and I prayed after I could finally get it together and I stopped calling God "cruel" and remembered that He truly has been faithful in all my life no matter if things didn't work the way I wanted them to. All my experiences and all of His word prove Him to be holy, faithful, loving, kind, more than generous and full of grace and mercy. He feels my tears, too. This is a broken world with messed up people and flawed systems.

I am not posting this for sympathy, but hopefully someone can be led to His feet through our story and know that everything really is out of our control and only God can direct us.

Keep moving forward.

It's been our theme for the whole year and apparently we are not done. We'll never be done moving forward. Once PandaJOY is in our home, I'm sure there will be something else to trudge through, pray through and wonder about.

Thank you for your love and care.


  1. I just clicked on your blog thinking maybe there would be some good news about PandaJoy. I'm so sorry it's not happening as quickly as you want it to, but then, I guess adoptions aren't really known for moving quickly, are they? It seems like you've really struggled more than most to complete your little family. I pray that you'll get some good news soon, at least something to get you through to the new year and that you'll have peace and joy this Christmas.

  2. I was offline last night and your blog was the first one I went to this morning. I'm in shock and I have tears thinking of your sadness. I'm so terribly sorry to read about PandaJoy's January mediation date. Please know that you are in my prayers. ((((hugs))))

  3. Girl, my heart just aches for you! I can't imagine waiting for so long for my child to join my family. Your patience and faith have truly been tested. Stay strong! I have to believe that the joy you'll experience when your littlest one permanently joins you will be SO multiplied by the heartaches and disappointments that you've had up to this point. Praying an extra dose of God's grace on you today ;)

  4. sweet jana. i am so sorry pandajoy will not be home with you guys for Christmas. SO sorry. i have so been there calling God "too slow" and, as you know, am left praising Him in the end for His timing. right now though i know that doesn't make it easier. you guys are going to have so many fun times and wonderful memories with P.J. for years to come that i know this will just be a blip on the radar screen :)

  5. Oh, I am SO SORRY. I can just imagine how disappointing this is for you and your sweet family. Praying that in the midst of this heartache you will know God's JOY and PEACE.

  6. The foster care system can be SO hard to adopt from. Makes you a little frustrated when you hear all these stats about kids waiting for families, doesn't it?! What about us waiting forever and a day for our kids! Praying for your baby girl to come home soon!