Wednesday, September 28, 2011
When It All Comes Down
As the days trudge by in terms of the adoption process for PandaJOY, one part of me cringes with how long it is taking. The mind-numbing ways of the foster system are......just that: mind-NUMBING. Also, with each passing day I find myself falling more in love with that little toot.
PandaGirl has been through so much in the past months since PJ's placement with us in February. I have seen her struggle, grow, struggle some more, grow a ton, be selfish, be honoring & loving, struggle and grow. I am so proud of her attempts at being a "normal" family when we are nothing of the sort.
(Noticed the terribly short, gnawed fingernails of PG? That happened long before PJ came along. I could blame it on being in an orphanage, but I did the same thing til I was in 8th grade. I became a cheerleader and stopped biting them overnight. Hmmm.)
I often hear in my mind the line from You've Got Mail when Tom Hanks* character is speaking of his own little brood made up of an aunt of his that is about 8 years old and his brother who is, maybe all of 6 years old while Tom's character is in his 40's or pushing 50. He bounces his head while smirking a smiling saying, "We....are....an American family."
As are we. Two white parents. One stunning Chinese beauty. One gorgeous mulatto doll-baby.....that isn't officially "ours" yet on paper, but has completely captivated our hearts while at the same time drives me to insanity with her independence and sassiness. That same sassiness cracks me up making me so thankful that she is a part of us. Us. Our family.
Sometimes I forget that we look really different than most American families. To be fully honest (as if I'm not honest at other times....duh) I wonder what it would have been like to have that little blonde haired blue-eyed girl and brown-eyed brunette little man-child running around us. But that was just a made up fantasy that I had long ago and clearly, God had other plans. Plans that were and are far better than any I could have contrived on my own.
Parenting is so hard. Most days are filled with the struggle of being a real, live, godly, in control, emotion-less disciplinarian. But somewhere in the middle of all that trying, messing up and succeeding are the precious moments that take your breath away. Kisses here and a little hug on the leg there. A spontaneous, "I lub you, mommy". Uncontrollable laughter with my eldest. Moments where all four of us know, really know that we are meant to be together. Realizing there is purpose in this motley crew.
Someday this stupid waiting will end and then there will just be something else to wait for, but for now in this present real moment, I am so thankful for my little family.