Thursday, August 6, 2009

Just Thinking About It

Thank you so much for all your kind words about the last post. It really was an emotional day and I do believe it transferred over to yesterday as well. I paid extra attention to PandaGirl's "ways" yesterday and noticed a melancholy spirit about her all day. Nothing over-the-top, but definitely different than her usual jovial self. My sweet baby was carrying the news given to her in her own way.

Honestly, I think the news that China isn't all we've built it up to be was more shocking to her soul than the fact of being in another woman's tummy. She already thought she was in the nanny's tummy so that wasn't so hard, but finding out that there are really awful people in the place where she thought everything was like Mulan and Kung Fu Panda was quite devastating to her fun-filled Chinese bubble we just popped.

I know full well that she has to live her own life and feel her own feelings, but by the time I laid my head down on my own pillow last night, my heart was just too heavy FOR her and I cried as PandaPop prayed over me.

Today she is back to her "old" self, but I think she's had her first taste of life. The life that is fun some days, boring some days, busy some days, over-flowing with blessings some days and just plain painful some days. I trust that God will carry her just as He has me. She is a Believer and she is a daughter of the King of kings. He has better plans for her than I ever could and He loves her more than I can ever try.

As for me, I actually felt a huge release from my shoulders. I can't explain it, but I "feel" more like her mother now than before our conversation on Tuesday. Don't try to figure me out! LOL! ; )

All in all, I am glad that we have moved past that necessary milestone and are working towards the next. There will always be a "next" until we all get Home.

Thanks for caring about us and our family!!!! I promise to post more later about our current adoption process. I just need to wait a bit longer before giving all the details.


  1. This is a great reminder that the adoption emotional journey never ends. I'm so glad you are going first on this one!! Hugs!!

  2. Weird...somehow my heart is heavier today FOR HER than yesterday. (many tears then) I ache in total compassion & wonder...your photo covers it so well. so innocent & precious "Come Unto Me little Children"

  3. Cute Pic of PG! Like your blog make over hadn't seen it in a while- looks good.

  4. thanks for sharing last post & this one...much love to you and your family

  5. I've been reading your blog for some time and I am truly touched by this post and the last one. My sister's children are adopted, so this is an issue that is very close to my heart as well.

    I traveled through China several years ago and while their government is truly corrupt and they have a long history of violence and oppression, it is also a beautiful country. I found the people to be some of the kindest and most gentle I have ever met. (And I have traveled quite a bit.) The countryside is staggeringly beautiful and many of the traditions are incredibly moving. All this is to say that while I can certainly understand that your sweet daughter feels a loss, I hope she is someday able to know that there are many things about her country of origin of which to be extremely proud.

    Thanks for sharing this beautiful piece of your family.