Thursday, August 6, 2009
Just Thinking About It
Thank you so much for all your kind words about the last post. It really was an emotional day and I do believe it transferred over to yesterday as well. I paid extra attention to PandaGirl's "ways" yesterday and noticed a melancholy spirit about her all day. Nothing over-the-top, but definitely different than her usual jovial self. My sweet baby was carrying the news given to her in her own way.
Honestly, I think the news that China isn't all we've built it up to be was more shocking to her soul than the fact of being in another woman's tummy. She already thought she was in the nanny's tummy so that wasn't so hard, but finding out that there are really awful people in the place where she thought everything was like Mulan and Kung Fu Panda was quite devastating to her fun-filled Chinese bubble we just popped.
I know full well that she has to live her own life and feel her own feelings, but by the time I laid my head down on my own pillow last night, my heart was just too heavy FOR her and I cried as PandaPop prayed over me.
Today she is back to her "old" self, but I think she's had her first taste of life. The life that is fun some days, boring some days, busy some days, over-flowing with blessings some days and just plain painful some days. I trust that God will carry her just as He has me. She is a Believer and she is a daughter of the King of kings. He has better plans for her than I ever could and He loves her more than I can ever try.
As for me, I actually felt a huge release from my shoulders. I can't explain it, but I "feel" more like her mother now than before our conversation on Tuesday. Don't try to figure me out! LOL! ; )
All in all, I am glad that we have moved past that necessary milestone and are working towards the next. There will always be a "next" until we all get Home.
Thanks for caring about us and our family!!!! I promise to post more later about our current adoption process. I just need to wait a bit longer before giving all the details.