It Comes and Goes

Boy, was I surprised last night.

I was catching up on the blog of a friend who is very dear to our heart because of their key role in helping get PandaGirl home. They have two darling children and just announced their new bundle expected later on this year making number three. Genuinely joyful FOR them. We adore this couple.

It caught me off guard, I guess. For the first time in two months I cried. I dropped my face into my hands and sobbed. Sometimes it feels like PandaPop and I must have done something so very wrong for God to not allow us more children. Like we are being punished.

Come on, now.

I know that's not true, but the Accuser just points a false finger in my face screaming those lies at me and for a moment....I believe them.

Did you hear me?!! TWO MONTHS without shedding a tear over adoption. That is a miracle and an act of God's grace if I ever saw one. Me, the one who typically has a good weekly cry has been able to live and walk in the abundant life and peace that passes understanding any time what would normally be a situation that would stress me out or bring me to tears. Several people at church are pregnant. I have been happy for ALL of them. I removed myself from the picture and let God be sufficient for me. I really have felt at peace knowing that He allowed me to rest in Him.

Grace and mercy.

This song by Rob Thomas that was featured in Meet the Robinsons, which just so happened to have an underlying theme of adoption, has been floating through my head for awhile now. Every time we watch the movie, PP and I both say, "We HAVE to get that song!" Just this week I finally used my i*Tunes card from Christmas to download some songs and remembered to get Little Wonders. Funny that my friend's blog is named after this song and being the PandaBlonde that I am didn't even let it register until this week when I thought to myself, "I wonder if she knows that this song says 'little wonders'?" Well, lo & behold, she has a line from the song in her header. Guess she knows about the song. Smile.

There are some things weighing very heavy on our heart. Things we absolutely must trust God for. We must rest in His peace. Choose to live in His presence so as to not get all bogged down in worry. Trust.

If you don't know the song and could care less about reading the lyrics below then just look it up somewhere in cyberspace. It is a great song.

Little Wonders

by Rob Thomas

let it go,

let it roll right off your shoulder

don't you know

the hardest part is over

let it in,

let your clarity define you

in the end

we will only just remember how it feels

our lives are made

in these small hours

these little wonders,

these twists & turns of fate

time falls away,

but these small hours,

these small hours still remain

let it slide,

let your troubles fall behind you

let it shine

until you feel it all around you

and i don't mind

if it's me you need to turn to

we?ll get by,

it's the heart that really matters in the end

our lives are made

in these small hours

these little wonders,

these twists & turns of fate

time falls away,

but these small hours,

these small hours still remain

all of my regret

will wash away some how

but i can not forget

the way i feel right now

in these small hours

these little wonders

these twists & turns of fate

these twists & turns of fate

time falls away but these small hours

these small hours, still remain,

still remain

these little wonders

these twists & turns of fate

time falls away

but these small hours

these little wonders still remain

After my cry last night and getting held by PP, I was able to pray, take some Tylenol PM (thank you, Jesus for those little blue & white tablets!) and sleep well. Weird, weird dreams (maybe from the little blue & white tablets), but good sleep. I was pleasantly greeted by my sparkling, shiny, clean kitchen that I worked on yesterday after my last post with the update.

It's those little things in these small hours that add up.