Tuesday, August 10, 2010

I've Come to Realize That....

I totally stole this from my friend who totally stole it from Face*book or something. Totally.

I've come to realize that my body is...a gift. I have not taken care of this gift and am ashamed because of it. I have a great shape and have been very healthy all of my life, but I have put way too much crap in it for way too long. Gluttonous. Yuck. PandaPop and I are changing that very, very soon.

I've come to realize that my job is...my dream and passion. I can actually call myself a photographer. I have so very much to learn, more equipment to obtain and lots of room for vast improvement, but I am really truly DOING IT! I have so many visions and hopes for The Cotton Crop Photography. I am also a stay-at-home-mom which has always been a dream, too. I'm quite sure I could do a better job than what I do, but I love it just as well.

I've come to realize that I need nothing more in life than...to love Jesus, tell Him so, show & tell others about Him and live securely in the JOY He promises right here and now.

I've come to realize that I've lost my mind...when I flail my arms around my head and shout, "HELLO!!! PEOPLE HERE!!!" angrily at the seating hostesses at a local restaurant because the five chatty teenage girlies haven't paid attention to our entrance and it was the final straw in my day and in this existence of clueless, oblivious, selfish and self-centered society. Not that this happened or anything.

I've come to realize I hate...the fight the true Enemy puts forth to make adoptions so difficult. International, domestic, foster system. They each have their own enigmas that make NO SENSE WHATSOEVER. I am continually reminded of 1 Corinthians 3:19 that says "the wisdom of the world is foolishness in God's sight". Though there are people who are in all three adoption systems that are genuine in their quest to help the orphan, there are more that are puppets of the Enemy and make the process wrong. This is not just for our own cause. I have countless stories in my mind of others who have prayed, longed, waited and held out hope only to be slapped in the face with some red tape or illogical decisions. God commands us to take care of widows and orphans. He promises that barren women will be the happy mothers of children. The only logical reason for the fight must be that hell hates when families come together, so it fights. Relentlessly.

I've come to realize that money is...something I wish I had more of. Wink. No, really...money doesn't buy happiness, but it DOES buy choices. I learned last spring in the Dave Ramsey Financial Peace class that many times our "emergency" wouldn't be so much a 911 if we just had the cash to cover whatever "emergency" came our way. I've always known the money is God's and if you hoard it, you won't have it or if you do, you are miserable. Money is necessary to live, but it will not be my master.

I've come to realize that certain people...will choose to live in their lifelong ways and never change. Though I've been told differently, some people certainly do change. I've seen it. I've lived it. I'm certain.

I've come to realize that I'll always remember...cheering at Friday night football games, the smells of Sunday lunch at my grandma's country house with a slew of cousins, riding the school bus when I eat green apple bubble gum, my heart truly breaking in high school, all the fun little trips I went on with my parents, Winn's five & dime store, winning gazillions of ribbons in 4-H, my blue Mustang in high school & cruising The Valley, the feeling of having Barbie hair, all three proms, the first time I met PandaPop, the first time we kissed, the night he proposed, our honeymoon to DisneyWorld, the pang in my soul each time I have had to say goodbye to a kindred-spirit friend, that just because you are employed by a church doesn't mean people are always nice, laughter and tears with phenomenal friends, seeing PandaGirl's referral picture, holding her for the first time, our old playgroup with little Chinese darlings, the countless times PandaPop has encouraged me, meeting PandaJOY this year.

I've come to realize that my sibling...could care less about being my sibling. So sad. He is 8 years older and my whole life I have longed for his attention. He won't give it. His loss.

I've come to realize my mom...is the strongest person I know. She has endured so much yet continues to smile and say hope comes from the Lord. She and I can laugh until we tee-tee on ourselves. I love making her laugh. As I turn 40 in a few weeks, she turns 70 next week. She is a survivor. She introduced me to Jesus.

I've come to realize my dad...is someone different than I think he would have been if given the opportunities others his age had when they were kids. I've always known he is jovial and funny and teddy-bearish. That would be the same no matter what.

I've come to realize my cell phone...is an appendage. Maybe that's why I twitch now when I plug it in to recharge it. How did we ever live without them?

I've come to realize when I woke up this morning...that I had turned the corner on the tonsillectomy recovery and am on the mend!!!

I've come to realize last night...was the absolute worst part of the recovery. I wanted to cry, but knew it would only hurt worse and get all slimy in my throat. I wrote a note to PP for him to make me laugh and not cry. He did something that I cannot type on here. He is a children's minister. His dignity must be kept intact. I didn't cry.

I've come to realize right now I'm thinking about...the food that will be made in love tonight, in our kitchen by our friends who want to bless us.

I've come to realize today...has been the best day of recovery.

I've come to realize tonight...I will sleep in my own bed for the first time since last Tuesday after my tonsillectomy. I do much better on the couch, by myself when I'm recovering from anything.

I've come to realize tomorrow...I need to get back into the swing of living again and do some laundry, design a birth announcement for a friend, play with PandaGirl and help PP with some projects.

I've come to realize I really want to...get healthy and live a life of intention instead of taking my health for granted. In other words, grow up.

I've come to realize my children...well, that plural word prompt alone changes my answer. My child(ren) are nothing at all what I had envisioned, but a blessing none-the-less. Maybe there are "children" to come, but I'm not holding my breath. My one child keeps me on my knees.

I've come to realize this weekend...is my mom's 70th birthday. I have been so hyped up about my own 40th that I seem to have forgotten the woman who birthed me has a big milestone as well. Happy Birthday, Mom. ; )

I've come to realize the best music to listen to when I'm upset...is smooth jazz. Love it. Don't even have to be upset. Just love to have it playing all the time. Thank you, friend, who told me about Pandora online music.

I've come to realize that my friends...have shaped who I am and who I will be.

I've come to realize that this year...has blown by. I'll be turning 40, I had my tonsils out, I've trusted Jesus more than ever, I am a real, honest-to-goodness, full-fledged grown up.

I've come to realize my husband...is God's greatest gift to me. He is my best friend and I don't like to imagine my life without him because it makes me cry and get all weary and lose sight of God. He was my last first kiss. He is the other side of me. He is also a way better parent than I am.

I've come to realize maybe I should...actually do more to minister to people than just teach about it. Ouch.

I've come to realize I really don't understand...why I am who I am or where I am in life and someone else was born to a poverty stricken third world country family where flies light on their lips and they have nothing to eat. Why do some people get great jobs that pay loads of money and the wives get to tootle around town in their fancy SUVs while all their kids are cute and involved in great activities and they end up going to private colleges? It's not all about choices. There is something else bigger here. "For such a time as this."

I've come to realize my past...is my past. I have made some awful, awful choices. Some of those were on purpose with my full knowledge it was a bad call. Some were just made out of youthful bliss and ignorance. I have learned from all of it. I have also made some pretty great choices only by the sheer grace of God. Sometimes I wish I could go back and redo something, but what's the point in that? Cliche', cliche', but I am the person I am today because of my past.

I've come to realize parties...are what I LOVE to plan for!!! I would make a fabulous event planner. Just sayin'. I am already planning PG's 8th birthday party in October. I adore the buying for, setting up for, planning for and actually decorating parties! I like attending good get-togethers, too. Who doesn't like a party?!! Wait, I know a few people who could do without them. To each his own. (I cannot wait to party in NYC with my friend as we celebrate the big 4-OHHHH together this fall!!!!)

I've come to realize my life...is a precious gift that has purpose and meaning at this exact moment in time. God is who He says He is and all of me is in the palm of His hand.


  1. I have come to realize...

    that I'm totally going to steal this post idea, though I probably won't be as self-aware and serious and such. It's just not how I roll.

    I have also come to realize that my internet browser won't let me read Reckless's blog, and it makes me very angry.

  2. I'm wiping away the tears reading through your post. WOW! This is incredible stuff. YOU are incredible. Continued blessings.

    PS. I have a certain pumpkin necklace/pendant that needs a good home. My email is on my blog. Send me your postal address...wink wink.

  3. LOVE this post.

    I've come to realize how much my BFF has really gone through this year and I couldn't share it in the way that I am used to.

    I've come to realize that I have to work harder to stay involved in her life.

    I've come to realize at this moment how much I really miss her.

  4. I totally dig this, and I'm totally stealing it, too! Totally. :)

  5. What a cool meme. Thanks for sharing it and know that we are still praying for you guys all the time. It is neat to look back at things and also put things into the proper perspective in this life. love ya bunches!

  6. hummm, sniff, sniff...tissue in hand....guess what, beloved....
    I have always REALIZED what a wonderful daughter you ARE. ;-D

    Today I realized that out of the many jillions of 'writings' that you have so beautifully written in the past of me & to me....that THIS ONE IS THE GREATEST...this is the REAL 'heart of the matter'...(Christ speaking thru you... with all the barriers laid out, all the tapestry of the fabric reflecting all the tiny threads; strong/weak...the patches...along with the delicate silk, the silver linings and golden strengths of 'MEMORIES'. These are the true blessings that God lays upon on our lives and at our feet daily from birth to death. You have so beautifully touched upon each!!!

    And today, remembering that the little 5 yr. old girl with bouncy 'doggie tails'....in constant chatter and song.... to the beautiful 'pony tailed' blond teenager ~~giggling, rockin/cheering/bouncing off the wall,... to that most treasured time of the awesome picturesque bride on her wedding day---humm, wow, such memories--- and now to the 'Lady' that I know today---this is truly GOD'S richest of gifts.

    And this I REALIZED from the beginning! ;-)

    Now, (mercy, I* can't believe it).....Forty years of 'riding the sea saw of events' on the 'playground of life' The Ferris Wheel keeps turning, so beautifully--your 40th birthday----

    Yes, Jana, I REALIZE....THIS has been His summation of my joys, my blessings and my purpose upon on this earth. ....and
    lastly, I realize,
    'Father, I am grateful to be your child but, Lord I most humbly, thank YOU for lending me...THIS CHILD.
    Love you forever & a day...or until 'the 12th of NEVER!!! Mom

  7. Hahaha! I remember all your 4-H ribbons and all that Barbie hair of yours! Cruising the Valley and green apple gum are some of my memories too!