What I Choose to See

I did something today that I have never done before.

As soon as PandaGirl was dropped off at school and PandaPop left for work I sat down and read an entire book. From 8:30am to 2:30pm with a small break for lunch. As per PP's instructions...my assignment was to read this book. I did it and am moved by it.

We have a special connection to the Steven Curtis Chapman family due to the fact that we adopted a little girl from China just like them. In fact, the final confirmation that came to PP before we felt led to adopt from China was on a radio station in Houston, TX when PP heard an interview with SCC about Chinese adoptions. They had recently returned with their first adopted daughter from there and were promoting adoption through their own life-changing testimony.

We were front and center when SCC's song "When Love Takes You In" came out which is ALL about adoption. PG is in between the ages of their first and second Chinese daughters. We have faithfully followed his music from the beginning like groupies. We adore this family as do thousands of others who have been blessed by their realness and their love of God.

Two years ago tragedy hit their precious family when their youngest son accidentally hit and killed their youngest daughter in their own driveway. Catastrophic. This book chronicles the journey through the heart and mind of Mary Beth Chapman.

I watched PandaPop bawl his eyes out reading it. I knew I would, too.

Sure enough I sat in my brown leather chair with a Batman blanket on my legs with tears streaming down my cheeks and dripping onto my red t-shirt through half the book. Other parts had me laughing hysterically outloud, but for the most part I was invited to feel the reality of this family's loss.

We live in this broken world and many times there are no answers as to why a loving God would allow such horrible things to happen. Though I have not experienced pain and grief to the level of this family, nor do I wish to, I have had my own times of mind-numbing pain and questions to my God who seemed to be silent, yet in a supernatural way there comes peace that is unexplainable just like the Bible promises. Your head and heart can be in completely different universes like an alternate reality at times. You know on one hand what you read in the Bible yet everything in your heart is screaming something entirely opposite.

That's when we CHOOSE to see God at work in ways we cannot fathom. We HAVE TO hope and trust that His ways are better than our ways.

I couldn't help but feel so much closer to my PandaGirl today. When I picked her up from school all I wanted to do was run up to her in the car line and swing her around like a two year old, but for her sake and her 2nd grade reputation I refrained.

I added our own pics from her Gotcha Day, February 2, 2004 in China. Precious moments.







I also stumbled across this almost edible photo of her at age three in her preschool class at our old church.

How cute can she be?!!!!!

How is it that as the years whip by the younger pictures of her just keep getting cuter and cuter---so much so that my heart even aches at seeing her innocence just stare straight into the camera lens?

Does she possibly know the journey with which she has been entrusted by her heavenly Father?


Below is a photo of PG from just last week. My girl is growing up and I don't want to miss anymore moments.

I have missed a few by being too busy or too bossy or too cranky or too something.

What a gift I have been entrusted with by my heavenly Father. Thank you, Lord.